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Unless they’re on the menu, non-human vertebrates are generally banned from food-serving establishments. However, a few four-legged critters not meant for consumption were given special dispensation to attend the ASPCA Humane Awards Luncheon at the Rainbow Room, for it would be unthinkable to conduct an award ceremony and exclude the recipents solely on account of their taxonomic classification. Health code or no health code.
Every year, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals recognizes selected individuals for outstanding behavior. Thus, Toby the Golden Retriever was honored for having saved his owner from choking on an apple by methodically bouncing up and down her chest, thereby dislodging the offending piece of fruit from her windpipe; and Winnie the cat for having rescued an entire family by rousing them from their potentially fatal slumber in a house rapidly filling up with lethal carbon monoxide fumes. Conversely, a number of humans received awards for outstanding efforts in furtherance of animal welfare.
NBC’s Chuck Scarborough emceed the event and introduced Oliver, his singing dog, who delivered a stirring rendition of presumably original material. Never having saved anyone, Oliver must wait for the Grammys to get an award. “An animal’s life is as important as our own,” Mr. Scarborough opined in an appearant call for universal vegetarianism. The veteran news anchor and his wife had adopted Oliver along with kitty Stanley from the ASPCA within a breath of impending euthanasia. While canine Oliver seems to be coping well by creatively channenling his traumatic past into his singing, feline Stanley’s psychological wounds, somewhat disturbingly, translate into chronic sexual attraction to dogs.
In the animal loving auditorium: Charlene Nederlander, Ellen Scarborough, Margo MacNabb, Margo Langenberg, Somers Farkas, Geoffrey Bradfield, and Cynthia Lufkin. Isaac Mizrahi was also there, perhaps drawing inspiration for his upcoming spring collection for pets.
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